This post may be a little bit all over the place but I thought I would share some of my thoughts and feelings as the countdown continues.
My everyday posts have now happened every other day...the good news in that is that life is moving on....in spite of our circumstances...in spite of this mountain before us....we are able to just carry on. The Prince of Peace is at work in our hearts in spite of our weakness to fall back into trying to "think" it all through. Right now, I have to constantly surrender my weakness. For so long, I felt such peace knowing that God has this all worked out and that our girl will be staying right where she belongs. Now that the time has come to walk the final hours, it feels as if I can't take another step in that direction. I want to run the other way...tears flow at the thought of what could happen...and yet at the same time I can't wait to see this course through. How my heart aches at the thought of surrendering my baby to the court...why should I have to do that....she is our daughter and we love her to the ends of the earth and back...why would our judge not just tell us what she is going to do so that we could prepare or be ready to fight another battle? The only answer we have is that God wants us to walk in faith and wait for Him to do His work. He wants us to trust Him completely with everything we have...even something more valuable than all of our earthly possessions....our daughter. He is after all her Creator and has had this plan for her since the beginning of time. I know that He will not forsake her...nor harm her...and I know that He will fight and win any battle it takes to do just that. Nothing I can do will be better than what He can do...so why does my heart ache at the thought of what we could face? Why do I want to DO SOMETHING to fix it!!! That is my weakness...that is my flesh...that is my heart as a mother...and that is how He made me. He gave me a passion for children...He gave me a passion for orphans...He gave me the gift of His mercy and a desire to show mercy to those less fortunate particularly those who have no voice to speak for themselves. He knew that I would do what He asked me to do in this situation....and He also knew that I would need Him to finish the task when I could go no further. None of this is taking Him by surprise. So we will watch Him move this mountain and praise Him through the storm....personally I am praying He blows this mountain off the face of the earth and takes our breath away!
Several years ago, God gave me a life verse or actually several verses that remind me in every circumstance to fix my eyes on Jesus. God gives us what we need to face every trial and I know that in these verses He has given me the drive to persevere. I know He has entrusted a precious gift to our family and He will give us everything we need to run this race and finish the course.
Hebrews 12-1-3 Let us run with perseverance this race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Thank you all for praying for Cintia and our family!
April
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We are believing with you for those perfect plans. I am on my face praying for each of you as I know the feelings that we as parents face walking this path, especially in Guatemala. I love ya precious friend. PLEASE stay in touch while you are there. Are you taking your Guat. cell? Call me before you leave if you can. I love ya and give that angel lots of kisses from me and Robbie:)
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