Here it comes...

Personally, there has never been a time when I sought the Lord's will with everything I have that Satan did not make his presence known. I knew it must be coming but I just didn't feel it until now. I felt surrounded by peace with a confidence in God's plan to bring Cintia into our family. I felt surrendered to the wherever, whenever, and didn't feel anything regarding the "if" portion because I knew God had it all worked out.

Yesterday, we received an email from our attorney identifying the list of parties notified to attend Cintia's hearing. One of those people I did not want there but don't have bad feelings about being there....just simply don't understand the purpose of it. The person in my mind that is very alarming is someone I treasure...someone who saved Cintia and loved her almost like we do...her first foster mom, Miriam. Miriam is middle aged and was known as "Lela" to Cintia. That is short for abuela which means grandmother. She is a wonderful lady and on our list of who to see while we are there. Having said that, I have no idea why they are bringing her to this hearing. I am sure she is equally stunned. Cintia does not remember her from pictures and has never said her name...so in effect she will be a Spanish speaking stranger to Cintia. She hasn't seen her in just over a year and a half. My concern initially was that the judge is up to something...finding someone else to care for Cintia other than us. It doesn't matter who that person is, it would devastate Cintia...not to mention us. I am trying hard not to think about the dangers (medically and physically...the area in the city where they live is very dangerous and right on a busy street). I am trying hard not to think about the risk from living in that house knowing that Cintia will dart out in front of a car or be murdered like so many are. I am praying that is not what the judge has in mind but I really have no idea. I have asked for explanations from our attorney but have yet to hear back from him.

I know that worry is not from God and shows lack of faith on my part. This morning it began to fester and grow until I found myself angry at God for taking her away after he so clearly gave her to us....all without Him actually doing it yet. I quickly realized that there is only one who would cause me to be angry at God, someone that I love beyond measure. What could Satan gain from either the worry of or the event itself? He could drive a wedge between me and God....THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I began to rebuke him directly....and the weight and anger began to lift almost immediately. Spiritual warfare is so very real....and I knew at that moment that this is going to be a battle to the finish...a battle that only God can win. And you know what? He will.

Please keep praying. We leave in 2 1/2 weeks, and I know that it is going to be a stressful time. I am resting in the fact that God loves us... and that He loves Cintia more than we ever could. I also rest in His will. I pray that His will is for Cintia to stay with us. However, His will is His will...not our will. Regardless of what makes sense, God will use this to bring glory to Himself. Pray for our strength and faith as He does it.

Blessings!
April